I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
