I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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