alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
