I murdered the dance floor call the cops
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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