he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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