Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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