Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
