so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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