He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
