No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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