You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
