i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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