thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
