Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
