I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
