Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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