Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
