I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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