Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
