separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
