My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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