i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
