I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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