I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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