our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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