Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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