This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
