the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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