I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
