I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
