you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
