its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
