dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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