I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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