I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
