dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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