i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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