I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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