Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
