My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
