i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
