I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
