belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
