at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
