it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
