I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
