My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
