I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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