I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
