A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
