That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
