I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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