i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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