Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
