I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
