Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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