i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
where am i from again
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize