Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
