God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
