the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
