I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
