my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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