this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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