dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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