No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
