Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
