Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
