college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
