I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
