I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
