Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
