This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
