i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
