True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
