Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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