Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
