Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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