Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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