I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
