we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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