spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You were trust falling into bushes
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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